Here is my plan for tearing down the last wall.  The steps are independent of one another, so I will be working at all consecutively.  This is sure to change over time, particularly if this wall proves to be as hard to tear down as experience has lead me to believe it will be.  So here are the first steps, in no particular order:

  • Recognize the people who I have always felt loved, supported, and truly accepted by.  Remember how that felt, incorporate those feelings into who I am and into my view of myself.
  • Tied in with the previous; Work to incorporate those things that make me feel loved, supported, and accepted into my relationships with others, especially my son. 
  • Recognize the things I do that already make people feel accepted, loved, trusted, and celebrate these skills within myself.  Keep encouraging myself to grow in these areas.
  • Feel the hurt of the rejection, hurtful words, and hurtful actions that have been done to me.  Grieve, cry, scream if necessary, tell my story, and clear out those feelings, then let them go, and make the choice to forgive.  Rip that wall down.
  • Determine what I like about me, grow those areas, take risks to show people those sides of me.
  • Determine what it is that I don’t like about me… why I don’t like it (is it really an issue, or is it an oozing childhood wound based on a misconceived notion of who I am)…
  • Heal the wounds, work towards bettering myself and eliminating or minimizing the flaws… this will be a life long process
  • Realize that all people are human, even me, and that people will accept me, flaws and all.
  • Figure out why I am afraid to show people me… what am I afraid they will see ?
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